You are in high school.
You dropped out of high school.
You live within 20 minutes of your best friend.
You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed.
You live within 20 minutes of your ex.
You have been to the movies within the last week.
You have hugged someone in the last 48 hours.
You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year.
You have been a designated driver.
You have broken merchandise and not paid for it.
You have played strip poker.
You are Catholic.
You are Atheist.
You recycle regularly.
You have dated a blonde.
You are friends with a redhead.
You are taller than your mum.
You have a bank account.
You’ve written a check for less than $5.
You have visited the Statue of Liberty.
You have visited the Eiffel Tower.
You have visited Big Ben.
You have visited the Colosseum.
You have visited The Great Wall of China.
You have never been out of the country.
You have been a waiter/waitress.
You own a Bible.
You own something with a Pentagram on it.
You have used a Ouija Board.
You have been a witch for Halloween.
You have been a zombie for Halloween.
You have your eyebrow pierced.
You have a Monroe piercing.
You have your nose pierced.
You have no tattoos.
You have more than 5 tattoos.
You straighten your hair.
You have worn a dress in the last 3 days.
You live somewhere that gets snow.
You celebrate Hanukkah.
You were at your own house last New Year’s.
You were at a bar last New Year’s.
You can’t remember last New Year’s.
You slept through last New Year’s.
You have worked on Christmas Eve.
You have worked on Christmas.
You have been told ‘I love you’ by someone today.
You were told by someone who’s not family.
You slept in your own bed last night.
You are dating the last person you kissed.
You regret kissing the last person you kissed.
You are wearing a necklace right now.
You are wearing something red.
You are wearing something blue.
You are wearing something purple.
Your phone number ends with an even number.
You have kissed the last person you called/texted.
You are currently listening to music.
You are waiting for something.
You don’t like seafood.
You have eaten deer sausage.
You have given a complete stranger your phone number.
You have been hit on at work.
You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you.
You have been whistled at.
You have been creeped out by it.
You were dating someone in December of 2008.
You are still dating that person.
You have cheated on someone.
You have been on a cruise ship.
You have camped out in your own backyard.
You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you.
You are a Pisces.
You are an Aquarius.
You are a Leo.
You wonder what will happen when you die.
You are afraid of the dark.
You have been told you have nice handwriting.
You have had a song written for you.
You have had a picture drawn of you.
You have curly hair.
You are wearing a watch.
You are wearing flip flops.
You wouldn’t date someone who smoked.
You know someone with the same birthday as you.
You slept in past 10 am today.
You have big plans for next weekend.
You are thinking of someone right now.
Your job is stressing you out.
You don’t have a job.
You have never had a job.
You were fired from your last job.
You know sign language.
You will usually try something at least once.
You have been swimming in the last month.
You are pessimistic by nature.
You have taken a ballet class.
You have taken karate.
You have taken gymnastics.
You wish on shooting stars.
You wish at 11:11.
You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year.
You ended your last relationship.
Your ex ended your last relationship.
You aren’t over your ex.
You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you.
You were/are a teenage mom.
You were named after someone.
You like your name.
Your last drink was water.
You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’.
You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going.
You have taken medicine when you ‘feel a headache coming on’.
YOU ARE SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR BODY.
You have had a hangover.
You have a pet fish.
You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house.
You have godparents.
Your parents are still married.
You have step-siblings.
You are the oldest.
You are adopted.
You have a twin.
You don’t want kids.
You want more than four kids.
You have a bad temper.
You usually make the first move in an intimate situation.
You have made out with a complete stranger.
You have broken your arm.
You have had to get stitches on your face.
You have had an MRI.
Your fingernails are painted.
You like to draw.
You like to sing.
You can play an instrument.
You keep a lot of secrets from people.
You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you.
You don’t trust people easily.
You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone.
You drive a car older than a 2002.
You have lost a friend you never thought you would.
You know a child who died of cancer.
You know a teenager who died in a car wreck.
You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours.
You have cut your hair in the last week.
You wear glasses.
Your favourite season is Autumn.
Your favourite colour is orange.
Your favourite animal is a dolphin.
You last rode in a car with a relative.
You last rode in a car with a girl.
You last rode in a car with the person you are dating.
You regularly watch Asian dramas.
You love Chinese food.
You have to go to school/work tomorrow.
You answered every question truthfully.
I used to always say this when people asked me why I joined TWLOHA.
It’s always like that. They’re just curious, but if I ever became specific with my reason among acquaintances, I know I would get a mixed reaction.
I almost never say that I actually joined for myself, to reach out for my own recovery.
Sometimes the hardest thing is to admit to yourself why you do things. Sometimes, it’s the best thing. I commend every person out there who has found, knows, or will see that they have the strength to do things for themselves. Because it sure as hell is a daunting thing to stand up and say “I’m doing thing because I’ve fallen just as many times - if not more than - all of you here.”
So I just woke up to this from my boyfriend. ;_; He’s also booked a table at my favorite sushi restaurant tonight to ‘make up’ for the fact that it’s Tesco sushi, haha. The flowers are ‘Lily of the Incas’ (or Peruvian Lily), which are one of my favorite flowers. Inside the card it just says “You’re perfect.”
Today is a good day.
(via elliejellyfishgrace)
Jack and Colussy trying to put the flag on the right side lol and then Jack is like ‘fuck yeah I made it’.
Sometimes I wish I had a chance to change things. Just to see if things would be different - anything I’d like to hold on to. I’ve had the opportunity to think about the way things turned out, and how they could have been, but I’ve always wondered what it would be like if I actually had a shot at feeling what it would be like. I could build a time machine and go back knowing what I know now. I won’t make that rookie mistake and just change it all for the better. I’d just see what could have been. I’d remind myself to make a time machine on today’s date so Iactually had a way of making the change. No silly self-canceling loops. Or maybe I could find a way to make it to a parallel universe and observe what the hell was going on. I just wish I knew what I missed out on. Maybe then I’d know what to work for in the future.
There is so much on my mind right now that I’m physically sick because of it. I feel like throwing up and I’m shaking. I’m irritated and sad and angry and nostalgic and all this other stuff I shouldn’t be feeling at 1:13 in the morning. I need to be up in less than, what, 6 hours? And I’m laying here hating everyone. Mostly guys, but whatever. It’s like each one I think of makes me feel a different way, none very positive. I miss one. I hate the other. I’m not sure what this one makes me feel. Another makes me remember the good times. The last irritates me. I can’t even put it into words. I miss you? I hate you? I can’t stand you? Come back to me? Stay the fuck away from me? I’m glad I don’t see you every day? It sucks that I have to see you again? Seriously, what the fuck is it. What do I say. What do I do. Why is this the goddamned cause of my insomnia. I WANT TO GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. I know for a fact that the boys I mention here can see this. Most probably will see this, with the exception of maybe one. But I digress. I can’t tell you (whoever you are reading this) what you make me feel because I don’t want to feel any of it anymore.
You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than that sum of past mistakes.
You are more than the problems you create.
You’ve been remade.
——
I found this song on the TWLOHA blog a while ago. I think Caitlin posted it. It’s apparently religious according to my iTunes automatic genre tagging, but I don’t see how. It’s just inspiring. I see too many people hurt in my life. I, myself, have been hurting for a long time. Just know that there are other people who feel like you, who have people who look down on them like they do to you, people who cry from the pain because they think there is no way out - you are not alone. If you ever need it, when no one is around, share your story with me. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and helpless all at once. Sometimes all I need is someone to listen. You are never alone. No one is ever perfect. Don’t think you have to be. Just be yourself. Don’t give up.
Last week I began counting down the minutes to the first ever TWLOHA UChapter Summer Conference. I could not wait to go. Before I knew it, it was Monday night, I packed everything I had to, threw it in the corner and started twiddling my thumbs in anticipation for my departure. It was the longest case of the Mondays ever. Suddenly it was Tuesday morning and I was running around my house like I was going to leave that day. I might as well have been based on the way I was sprinting for no reason and doing things to pass the time. I remember the first thing I did when I woke up that morning was tweet:
(Seriously, I think I tweeted about a thousand times more after that.) Anyway. I rolled over and sat up on my bed and put my glasses on and went about my day. A few hours later, I got an email saying I had a direct message on twitter. I thought it was another spam thing, but it turns out TWLOHA itself messaged me:
I knew then and there that this conference was going to be amazing.
I went about my day like it was nothing and suddenly it was time to go to bed. The next time I would be conscious, I’d be heading to the airport to hop my flight to Atlanta. Of course, that doesn’t sound so glorious being that the final stop was Florida, but it did have its perks. This trip was the first time I have ever flown alone and I was scared I was going to miss my connecting flight. I literally had 20 minutes to run across the terminal, to another building, and on the other side of the airport. I was sure I had it…until the lady doing the boarding called me up there. I thought I did something wrong. Nope. She decided to move my seat to a better location. Then when I asked about that pain in the ass connecting flight, she moved it again to an even better spot. Needless to say, I made it to ATL then to MLB no problem.
Wednesday was mostly spent stocking up on food for the room and lunch breaks and sleeping on the beach.
Come Thursday, things began to get intense. We started our MOVE sessions. Around 7 that night, watched a screening of Renee. That had to be the most emotion-filled movie I have ever witnessed and I am so glad that David McKenna brought that experience to us and allowed us to speak to him and the Renee Warped Tour team afterwards.
(Also, though a bit out of order, David tweeted at us today. So. Yeah…)
Anyway. On Friday we finished up with MOVE and learned more and more about the serious side of mental health issues and even went through QPR training. It was really intense and some of it was tough to hear. But I kept tweeting and loving every second of what was going on around me. Mid-session, I got an email from twitter saying I had another direct message. Of course, it was TWLOHA again:
I’m now a certified QPR Gatekeeper and things are absolutely looking up for me.
After all of the heavy things were taken care of, Sharon, Corrine and I took care of the light. We spent the afternoon in the pool and hot tub in the pouring rain, ordering and devouring pizza, then hitting the pool again at night. It was wonderful.
So today is Saturday. Today…it was sunny. And hot. And full of ridiculous adventures. I went surfing. I did so well. I had balance I didn’t know existed.
I tanned. I got new TWLOHA shirts. I have bracelets I’ll cherish forever. And I went to a reception dinner thrown by the UChapters staff to say thank you for all we’ve done. And Jamie was there. (He caught the bug…)
See, I’m going to miss the keynote tomorrow and it sucks. I really wanted to hear Jamie speak. I tried to move around my flight and see what could be done. But nothing could without spending $150 and having someone drive to EWR to get me past midnight. So I sucked it up and decided to go through the conference knowing I wouldn’t be able to meet Jamie. But I ended up meeting and speaking with Jamie for quite a bit and even got him to sign his page in our complimentary copies of “What Do You Want To Do Before You Die” by The Buried Life.
We did our own Fears vs. Dreams shoots and hopefully those will be up on the site sometime soon. We mingled, we shared random thoughts and ideas and stories. We enjoyed ourselves.
To Write Love on Her Arms has done so much for me and my friends that this weekend that it was life changing. I cannot wait to start our University Chapter at GW after this registration process. I cannot wait to share all these things with people in our community in the DC area. I cannot wait to make a difference. Should I only make a difference in one person’s life with this organization, then so be it. But it will be a personal success if one person is affected even in the slightest bit. One person’s life is just as precious as thousands of lives put together. Everyone needs to know that.
Tomorrow is the last day of the very first TWLOHA Summer Conference. And I can bet it’s going to be just as amazing as the rest of the days. I can’t wait to go out with a bang. I’m gonna get up before dawn and watch that sun come up. I have to do it. I’m going to do it.
To my TWLOHA family here on tumblr that can see this because of our awesome hashtag, I just wanted to say thank you for this week. Thank you for believing in this and in us. There’s just so much respect for you all. I love you guys. :)
